Mr. Holmes #2

Dear Mr. Holmes,

What's a boy to do? I'm a prospective GayRelate client with lots of questions. I fall into that scenario of blaming myself for being single.

How do you meet people and stop them (and myself) from pursuing sex on the first date? I tend to base a relationship on sex and this leads to problems because I'm not that good at it.

Yours,
Terminally Single

Dear Terminally Single,

My dear fellow, my first observation is that you sign yourself "Terminally Single." I draw this to your attention because negative self-perceptions are most insidious. In signing thus, I suspect you are indeed creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. If, by contrast, you viewed yourself as "Single But Determined To Change," perhaps you could significantly change your outlook.

Now, sir, to your fascinating question: Watson and I frequently observe how gay men forget that sex does not necessarily equate to intimacy. Ultimately, to meet someone who will be a soulmate as well as a lover, a relationship must be based on more than mutual sexual attraction. Furthermore, it is clear that sex on the first date creates great pressure, all the more so because of your belief that you are a poor lover.

So, old boy, in your case I recommend keeping yourself trousered for a while. By allowing the sexual tension to remain unresolved for a few dates, you will create the opportunity to find other points of common ground with your partner beyond mere physical attraction. This will also allow your 'performance anxiety' to diminish; in my observation, when you are at ease in your lover's company, the rumpy pumpy becomes a lot more jolly.

Should all of the above fail, I'll have Watson prescribe some Viagra. Looking forward to seeing you in the GayRelate program soon, dear boy.

God save the Queen(s)!
Sherlock Holmes, Esq.

Do you have questions for Mr. Holmes about dating? intimacy? relationships? Just send him an e-mail at Mr.Holmes@GayRelate.com. All e-mail addresses and names will remain confidential - Mr. Holmes is quite discreet. He'll do his best to uncover the answer to your questions.