Mr. Holmes #3

Dear Mr. Holmes,

I'm in love with a man I met a year ago. He possesses many qualities that I admire, most importantly he's the most kind and loving man I've ever met. There's just one problem! While he's dedicated to me for the long term, he wants an open relationship, while I don't.

This is really eating me up. I want monogamy, but I don't want to lose my relationship.

Please help,
Torn in Tiburon

Dear Torn,

My dear boy, It would appear that the value of loving kindness is one that you hold most dear (indeed, this value is one of the foundation stones of a successful long term relationship). At the same time, you also place a high value on monogamy.

The core question is - are either of these values negotiable for you? Because if you dishonor a value that's truly important to you, you're making a short-term accommodation at the expense of long term fulfillment.

So, the choices you have are a) leave this relationship and find that same quality of loving kindness with a man who's monogamous, or b) decide that monogamy is negotiable, and stay with him. This illustrates the importance of being clear on your values going into a relationship.

Compatibility in long term relationships is about aligned values with Mr. Right. And, Watson adds lovingly, a broken engagement is better than a ruined marriage.

God save the Queen(s)!
Sherlock Holmes, Esq.

Do you have questions for Mr. Holmes about dating? intimacy? relationships? Just send him an e-mail at Mr.Holmes@GayRelate.com. All e-mail addresses and names will remain confidential - Mr. Holmes is quite discreet. He'll do his best to uncover the answer to your questions.