Mr. Holmes #4

Dear Mr. Holmes,

I've been in search of a boyfriend for longer than I care to remember. Where are all the good guys in this town? All gay men care about is sex and looking good, and no one ever returns my phone calls.

Why can't I meet Mr. Right?

Please help,
Bummed in Baghdad by the Bay

Dear Bummed,

Chap, you say that all men in your lovely city are sex-crazed egomaniac men who are poor communicators? How ever has anyone else been able to find a beau, pray tell? First, I must ask you to look at the assumptions you've made.

Let's say that the gorgeous and seemingly kind fellow, Lord Reginald of Stiffingtonshire, didn't call you back after meeting for a spot of tea. What conclusions can be drawn from the clues? Why, I assert that you cannot draw any conclusions until you have the facts.

Perhaps the good lord is shy, and needs a little prodding in the right direction? Perhaps he's not ready for a relationship and doesn't know how to communicate his needs to you? Perhaps he just needs a little more time (don't we all)?

It's very easy for us to see the objective evidence around us - good cheer, men in couples, enjoying life - and infer that there's a failure on our part because we're not in good cheer, or in coupledom. We make assumptions about that objective evidence, and we sometimes infer the wrong answer (even Watson has been guilty of this, I fear).

It is up to each one of us to validate the "conclusions" we have drawn. Perhaps another call to Lord Stiffy is just the kick in the bum he needs! Or, conversely, he may not be the right man for you, and it's his butler that'll heat up your teapot.

In any case, Bummed, the responsibility is yours. Either how you perceive the facts, or how you adjust your perceptions. And, after all is said and done, maybe the butler did do it.

God save the Queen(s)!
Sherlock Holmes, Esq.

Do you have questions for Mr. Holmes about dating? intimacy? relationships? Just send him an e-mail at Mr.Holmes@GayRelate.com. All e-mail addresses and names will remain confidential - Mr. Holmes is quite discreet. He'll do his best to uncover the answer to your questions.