Mr. Holmes #13

Dear Mr. Holmes,

I am in a funk about my prospects of meeting Mr. Right. About this time last year I made a resolution that I'd meet the man of my dreams. Well guess what, a year later I'm still gloriously single. I'm now in danger of developing a bald patch from scratching my head, wondering what I should be doing differently. How can I make my wish come true in 2004? I'm a pretty nice looking guy (bald patch aside). I'm even nice to old ladies.

Funk in SF

Dear Funk,

While I agree that there is power in setting goals, I believe that often our goals are not met because we set them in a general and unspecific way. Case in point, your resolution last year was to meet Mr. Right. How can your goal work if you don't clearly know the qualities you are seeking in Mr. Right, let alone the qualities you yourself have to offer? In other words, goals must be clear to have them work. It's like saying "I want a job" - do we get the job we want with a goal like that?

The other reason we don't succeed in meeting our goals is that we set them for something we can't control. So perhaps this year, my dear boy, instead of focusing on meeting Mr. Right you can set a goal to be Mr. Right yourself. That's correct, create a list of what it means to you to be Mr. Right and focus on becoming that person. Say for instance your image of Mr. Right is someone who's fun, interesting, and socially aware; an outdoors type, romantic, honest and sexy.

What do you think would happen if you became all of those things yourself? You see, as my esteemed GayRelate colleagues point out, it is important to be Mr. Right in order to attract Mr. Right. Why so? Because, more than anything else, it's the quality of your relationship with yourself that will determine the quality of your relationship with somebody else.

What's more, since we all attract like-minded people into our lives, it's all the more important to be authentically yourself rather than living an image.

Our point of view is that when you truly believe you're ready to have what you want, you get it. And as long as your objective is realistic and clear, it becomes only a matter of time, work and attitude before achieving your dream.

Once your goal is clearly set, you must implement a plan to help it along, such as going to places that will facilitate your becoming Mr. Right. You mentioned the outdoor type? So don your deerstalker and off with you to join the gay Sierra Club. Where else might you network to meet like minded people?

Happy New Year to you, Mr. Right, and to all of our most erudite readers.

God save the Queen(s)!
Sherlock Holmes, Esq.

Do you have questions for Mr. Holmes about dating? intimacy? relationships? Just send him an e-mail at Mr.Holmes@GayRelate.com. All e-mail addresses and names will remain confidential - Mr. Holmes is quite discreet. He'll do his best to uncover the answer to your questions.