Mr. Holmes #5

Dear Mr. Holmes,

When I ask my "breeder" friends about their dating experiences, most agree that the men expect and prefer to do the pursuing, asking out, calling back, etc. and the women prefer to be pursued, asked out and (hope against hope), called back if there's any chemistry.

Is there any etiquette for gay men? Is it a top/bottom issue or a younger/older thing or are we left to figure it out each time? Most men I meet would like to be pursued.

Is it me?

Clueless in SF

Dear Clueless,

One thing dear Watson and I know for sure is that we can always expect change. Change in fashion, tastes, politics and culture, to name but a few. Gay life is a culture, a developing culture.

After all, while gays have been around since Adam's time, it is only in "modern" times that we are openly talking about what we want. Being gay gives us an opportunity to create the life we want to live. What is your choice, to follow the rules of others that only applied to the norms of yesteryear? or to act like your "breeder" friends and wait for Prince Charming to find you?

If you want something, ask for it! When you meet an attractive man, and you feel he has potential (checking the basics, like: is he both physically and mentally available?), let him know. You said that you would rather be pursued (don't many of us?), but if someone doesn't take the chance, nothing happens. Remember what our dear HRH Queen Victoria said, "you get what you give."

My friend, you are clueless no more. "Follow your bliss" and have all the love you want and give all that you are able to give. Watson and I look forward to hearing of your evolving love life.

God save the Queen(s)!
Sherlock Holmes, Esq.

Do you have questions for Mr. Holmes about dating? intimacy? relationships? Just send him an e-mail at Mr.Holmes@GayRelate.com. All e-mail addresses and names will remain confidential - Mr. Holmes is quite discreet. He'll do his best to uncover the answer to your questions.