Mr. Holmes #14

Dear Mr. Holmes,

Your answer to Funk explains what it is to be likeable by a potential mate, but not what it takes to be marriable by the potential mate.

It's been my experience that some men are completely the marrying type - I know one personally who never seems to keep a relationship going for more than 2 - 3 years, yet only seems to stay single for 2 - 3 months.

Others seem to be terminally single. I'm getting the feeling that I simply act single and therefore I am. What are the key differences between the way that single men behave and marriable men behave?

Austin Powers ("Oh, behave!")


Dear Mr. Powers,

My, my, you remind us of a certain international man of mystery we once flirted with in a London discothèque - a tale best left secret for now!

As to your question, Watson can’t help but blurt out that the sole criterion for being “marriable” is the desire to be so. But I suspect there’s more at work here behind your question - certainly for a man of mystery.

My head positively spins with the somewhat circular logic of ‘I act single, therefore I am.’ Do you mean aloof? Pensive? Elusive? A combination perhaps? And from whose perspective? yours or your admirer’s? I must admit I’m puzzled too by your definition of 'acting married': that the propensity to pursue and remain in long term relationships somehow overshadows qualities one observes in committed couples such as mutual respect and careful attention to clear communication.

To our mind, the secret to being seen as "marriable" is being less tied up in our own self image, which frees us to be more focused on another and our interaction with him. With a willingness to let go of image, we allow ourselves to be fully seen. When we’re being true to our values and ourselves, we are more confident, purposeful, engaged and enthusiastic. It’s when we display these qualities that we’re most attractive - and yes, marriageable - to others.

Watson proposes that you ask yourself the following three questions:

• How do I see myself?
• How do others see me?
• How do I want to be seen?